When Worlds Collide

I sat gripping the warm coffee mug firmly in my hands as if it were a lifeline in a desperate attempt to clear my foggy brain.  The morning was not yet awake, nor anyone in my house, and this time of day when I usually relish my time alone with the Lord was more of a torture this morning as I willed my exhausted body and mind into action.

I was nearly through with a two weeks of back to back visiting mission teams.  If you have read my earlier blogs you will know that I love mission teams.  I am in my element during both the planning and execution of such a visit.  Yet even my favorite part of ministry is, at times, at odds with my "other world".

Since my eyes were too blurry to read my Bible I began to think back over the struggles, trials, and victories of the past days.  I chuckled as I remembered the night that I got to bed late finishing up spread sheets and budgets for the next team only to awaken once to comfort a teething toddler, then later to rush in a pick-up a pre-schooler from the floor where he had fallen out of bed, and then been up for the day when the toddler woke up up again at 5am to start his day.  Regardless of the lack of sleep I had a full day of ministry to fulfill.  I recalled  how many times during the past week and a half I had been gone all day and returned in the late evening with two tired boys and dinner still to cook.  I shook my head in dismay as I remembered the times I was tempted to pour bowls of cereal for supper!  But my husband who also worked hard all day wouldn't have appreciated that very much.

...and the afternoon when I was told the presence of God was strong and the children were deeply moved and ministered too- but I missed it because we had cupcakes to prepare for a school party and homework to do. 

...Night after night of waking up with Cohen whose molars were bothering him followed by day after day of trying to accomplish more than humanly possible.  Dragging the children to banking errands, ministry sites, and other related places and still hoping they would have super human strength and not be tired and cranky by the end of the day.  Daily going over the pre-school calendar to keep up with projects and special events, and still forgetting some of them anyway! 

It had been 10 days of holding down 2 full-time jobs... and not always successfully!  It had been 10 days of joys, disappointments, struggles, victories, trials, tests of patience, and faith in God.  It had been a time to see the best of me and the worst of me.  A time for my strengths to shine and sometimes for my weaknesses to be embarrassingly exposed.  It had been 10 days when I wondered why my family still needed so much of me when I obviously had my hands full with other things...and at the same time wondered why ministry was so demanding when my family obviously still needed to eat, sleep, and do well at school/work.

...and I still had a few more days to go!

So, in those last few minutes before my little crew began to stir I sat aside my coffee cup which had now grown lukewarm and I  began to pray.  I prayed for renewed strength, patience, understanding with my kids (we were all worn to a frazzle), and good attitudes all around!  As the early light of the sun began to peek through the clouds I remembered that His mercy is new every morning!  His mercy for my life was new at that very moment.  I began my day rejoicing in God's abundant mercy poured out to me and reveled in His grace for my life.  Because even though there are times when my 2 worlds collide and I feel weak and unable to meet the challenge I know that His grace is sufficient for me.  He has called me at this time to this place to fulfill this purpose, and God himself is preparing me to meet that challenge.

I am sure many of you reading this can relate.  Not only missionaries face this struggle.  Many mothers feel torn between the many roles they play and the needs that pull on their time and energy.  May we all pray for one another and encourage each other in the Lord.  His grace is sufficient.  He is the source of all that we need.  When we feel the situation is too great for us, let us remember that it is not too great for Him.